Virtual contact, online visitation, video calls, Facetime, Zoom …. whatever you call it, it’s now commonplace nowadays for parenting agreements and court orders to outline arrangements for kids to communicate with non-custodial parents using online and computer technology. So, what does the research say about the use of technology in post-separation parenting scenarios?
Oddly enough, given the internet is not exactly in its infancy, there hasn’t actually been much empirical research into the use of technology in a parent-child relationship in all the potential different contexts, including post-separation. However, having evidence for the use of technology is arguably very important when it comes to planning intervention strategies intended to enhance a parent-child relationship after divorce or separation.
So, it’s with interest that we read a recent article by the Australian Institute of Family Studies looking at findings from the most recent summary of evidence on this subject. What does this research review tell us about the benefits or otherwise of virtual contact?
The 2023 review by Baude and colleagues reports on parent-child technology contact practices over the period 1997-2020. It examines research covering a range of devices and types of technology, looking at the use of hardware (e.g. smartphones, tablets) and software (e.g. messaging or photosharing apps and virtual presence programs enabling video calls) for virtual contact. Some findings about virtual contact are fairly intuitive.
For instance, it found there’s plenty of variation in how tech is used, and that generally, parents and kids are considered “active and dynamic” users, and are selective in the tools they use. Here are some of the other findings from this research review.
The biggest benefits as seen by children and parents
Attitudes to technology were “broadly positive”, with families seeing it as an important part of post-separation relationship maintenance. Staying in easy, frequent touch and maintaining a connection across distances was valued, especially if there were big distances or long periods away from a parent.
Parents and children in the studies appreciated the use of technology as they could:
- Stay connected despite distance and physical separation;
- See and show each other things;
- Participate in shared activities (eg. doing homework together, reading bedtime stories, playing games, taking part in birthdays or other social events);
- Develop more intimate, continued and engaging parent–child interactions;
- For children, realise both their parents are accessible when needed;
- Receive psychological and emotional comfort by allowing for immediate contact when needed;
- For parents, having a way to remind their kids that they care about them and their wellbeing.
Challenges of virtual contact
The review noted some challenges of technology use for virtual contact between parent and child:
- Managing the cost of devices and data;
- Ensuring availability of reliable or high-speed internet connections in rural and regional areas;
- Managing the risk of exacerbating conflict if there’s continued conflict between parents;
- Dealing with safety concerns.
Safety and risk concerns that were identified
- Safety concerns
Virtual contact can certainly reduce physical safety risks, but might still present a risk of the child being harmed by verbal and emotional abuse. Children may need to be educated on how to respond in such situations.
In high-conflict situations or where there is a history of abuse, the research suggests that the use of technology for virtual contact could, however, actually help rebuild trust and connection (if appropriate).
- Risk of exacerbating conflict between parents
Here, the concerns are that one parent might use technology against the other, for instance, by tracking them or the child, or monitoring their online activity through social media and then using it against them, either directly or in litigation.
- Parents deliberately do not facilitate or support virtual contact
Some parents may either attempt to prevent the child from having virtual contact with the co-parent or limit or disrupt the allotted time. They may claim technology problems, or say the children aren’t available or are unwilling to talk.
- Confidentiality and security
The research indicated that in some cases, kids are unwilling to be open and honest with their non-custodial parent through online contact as they are afraid their custodial parent will hear what they say and punish them or interrogate them. It’s important for kids to have privacy and to feel secure when sharing information.
Changes over time
The studies in the review covered a lengthy time period so they show how family perceptions of technology use have evolved over time as the technology has been refined and improved. The review also shows a clear evolution in how families use technology. Since the early 2010s, families have relied far more on video technologies than on traditional phone calls. This is consistent with the idea that video communication fosters more closeness and intimacy than the phone does. With the advent of widespread smartphone ownership, there’s also more use of real-time communication via instant messaging and text messaging.
Parent-to-parent vs. parent-to-child
The review also found that parents use different technologies for communicating with their kids than whencommunicating with each other. For communicating with children, adults prefer the more “intimate” forms of communication (like video calls). They prefer so-called ‘synchronous’ interactions, which are in real-time, instant, and dynamic (back and forth).
By contrast, to communicate with a co-parent, they tend to opt for tools without visual or audio features (like email), which are ‘asynchronous’ in that they don’t require communicating in real-time. This avoidance of direct, verbal, or face-to-face communication makes sense when co-parents are aiming for less conflict and less uncomfortable interactions.
Plus or minus in-person contact
Technologies can be used to supplement in-person visits or as a replacement for in-person contact in situations when there are fewer opportunities for in-person contact. However, the use of technology was found to be preferred in combination with regular physical contact, when this was possible.
One point to observe here is that when it’s the only form of communication, then both parents and children did feel it could be distancing, and even sometimes distressing. The AIFS article suggests this is because virtual contact does not allow for the same depth of interaction as in-person contact — both the parent and the child are limited to a narrow view of each other’s life on a small screen — and it obviously can’t include physical contact and affection.
It’s thought this might therefore impact on feelings of attachment, or amplify the pain of being separated from the non-custodial parent.
Although nothing can truly replace in-person contact, in situations where there is no avenue for physical contact, technology use still helps maintain an emotional bond with the parent and allows them to continue to play a role in the child’s life.
Guidelines for parents and practitioners
When formulating parenting arrangements in parenting plans and parenting court orders, numerous factors need to be considered, including: the child’s age and developmental stage, the availability of technology in both homes, how to ensure the internet and computer use is child-led and focused on child needs, the level of conflict between parents, any potential for misuse by a spying parent.
Co-parents should ideally discuss between them:
- What are the risks and benefits for the child of tech-facilitated communication with a parent?
- What method/s of online contact to use?
- Who is going to pay for communication devices/data?
- What age is appropriate for a child to have a tablet or smartphone?
- How much autonomy should the child be granted?
- Who will be responsible if there is inappropriate use of communication technologies?
- What level of monitoring is needed to ensure the child’s safety?
- How should you educate the kids on appropriate and safe use?
9 tips for parents to facilitate virtual contact
- Update your co-parent with any phone number/contact detail changes;
- Keep devices charged, accessible, and not on silent;
- Be aware of time zone differences where applicable;
- Allow contact to occur in a quiet, non-distracting space (not out and about in public, for instance);
- Give your child privacy to interact with your co-parent without fear of you monitoring or eavesdropping;
- To avoid the sense of giving your co-parent “access” to your household by virtue of them seeing directly into the home through the device, limit access to a designated area of your home or the child’s room;
- Set clear boundaries for your child around usage;
- Children definitely appreciate spontaneous contact and real-time interaction with their parents, so consider allowing your child to stay in touch with their other parent as and when they wish to or the need arises, rather than limiting their contact to a strict set time. It’s important to still establish practical rules though (such as what tools to allow for such spontaneous contact) and of course, to ensure you follow any court orders;
- Empower your child to use technology to maximise its benefits, while maintaining protective safeguards.
If you are having issues regarding your co-parent’s virtual contact with your kids, or they are failing to comply with orders regarding the same, then get in touch with us for advice. Please contact Canberra family lawyer Cristina Huesch or one of our other solicitors here at Alliance Family Law on (02) 6223 2400.
Please note our blogs are not legal advice. For information on how to obtain the correct legal advice, please contact Alliance Family Law.
