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Why use the services of a divorce coach?

By September 2, 2019November 9th, 2021No Comments

Whether they label themselves a “divorce coach”, “divorce mentor”, “separation strategist” or even “divorce alchemist”, counsellors who operate in the separation and divorce realm have the specific purpose of helping you navigate the often-traumatic divorce process.

While divorce can often feel like a rollercoaster, a divorce coach can help you remain grounded and mentally prepare for separation and divorce, with the goal of minimising the impact your divorce will have on your family, finances, health and all other aspects of your life that are affected by divorce. So how do they achieve this?

Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession where a trained professional provides support and guidance to someone going through separation or divorce. Since the divorce journey can be fraught with complexity, more people are turning to a divorce coach to help them leave their relationship amid the range of practical and emotional challenges that arise. Divorce coaches usually offer a holistic service because they know that divorce is a total life challenge, not simply a legal process.

While a divorce coach does not provide legal advice, they empower their clients to achieve the best possible resolution of their separation or divorce, and often help people who are floundering as to how to proceed to extricate themselves from an unhappy marriage.

Here are some of the ways a divorce coach can help you.

  • Demystifying the process

A divorce coach works with you to guide you step-by-step through the convoluted legal process of divorce and separation, helping you understand the legal and financial options available, and which divorce model is right for you. Assisting clients to get a grip on their current legal and financial position and on the potential outcomes of decisions, helps individuals make rational, well-informed decisions.

  • De-escalation of conflict

Your divorce coach will help steer you away from expensive litigation, by canvassing your Alternate Dispute Resolution options with you, with the aim of de-escalating conflict and making the whole process much easier. Your coach will also help you develop skills to minimise conflict with your ex, to achieve the most amicable separation possible. There are many tools and tips your coach will be able to share with you on how to communicate with your ex to make the process less acrimonious.

  • A sounding board

A divorce coach will listen to you in a non-judgmental way, and objectively reflect on and assess your situation. Creating a space for you to be heard, and to give you unbiased feedback, will help you evaluate your choices and have confidence in your decisions. Having an objective sounding board is vital because well-meaning family and friends are usually way too subjective to be helpful in guiding you forward.

  • Providing a supportive environment

A divorce coach helps you cope with the emotional side of your divorce by providing a safe, supportive environment where you can learn to manage the emotions that go with this major life transition. A judgment free zone, divorce coaching focuses on the emotional aspects of divorce, so that you can deal with the often overwhelming stress, and make smart unemotional decisions about your future.

Because as family lawyers, we can work to resolve your practical issues relating to your separation or divorce, but we aren’t suitably qualified to help you deal with the emotional side of your situation.

  • Dealing with grief

Divorce inevitably represents loss and many people need to go through a grieving process before they can move on. The divorce coach will help you get through this process and learn to let go, by providing a roadmap for handling the grief and confronting the challenges of loss and change.

  • Goal and boundary setting

Divorce coaching is future-focused, all about moving on and ensuring you have the ‘best’ possible divorce. This means providing you with assistance in making strategic decisions, gaining clarity on values and goals, and taking ownership of your new life. Your divorce coach’s aim is to provide encouragement to you in envisioning the new future you want to create and provide strategies to help you achieve it.

  • Provide actionable steps and accountability support

Divorce will involve a range of practical challenges that must be dealt with, in a context where poor decisions can have serious long-term consequences. Your coach will know how to help you deal with these practical challenges. As well as providing you with information and guidance to help make smart decisions, your coach will check that you make the necessary changes along the way in order to regain your financial and psychological independence.

  • Help you learn what you can and can’t control

A divorce coach will help you focus on what you can control through this process—that is, only your own thoughts and behaviours…

  • Gatekeeping

Your divorce coach can help you decide if sending a particular message to your ex is necessary or helpful. You’ll get an honest appraisal of your potential actions in relation to your ex, before you take any action. You’ll also learn techniques for positive communication with your ex, to help achieve a more positive result. Where some people think they should call their family lawyer to check on contents of a potential message to their ex, this is usually expensive, and having a divorce coach can circumvent the need to involve your lawyer in such matters.

  • Connecting you with other services

Going through divorce, you should consider empowering yourself by surrounding yourself in a team of experts to support you, beyond a family lawyer and divorce coach. For example, you may find you need financial advisors, family lawyers, mediators, accountants, parenting specialists. Your divorce coach can help you assess where this is necessary.

  • Helps you see the lessons your marriage actually taught you

It assists with recovery and healing to learn to seek the positives from what feels like a grim situation. A divorce coach will help with this, as well as guide you towards clarification of the reasons for your divorce, so you can learn lessons from it and use them practically in the future.

  • Help you embrace newfound freedom, not fear it

Change is inevitably challenging and can make you feel very anxious. A divorce coach will help you reframe your fears to see the challenges as exciting.

  • Rediscover yourself

When you’ve been part of a couple for a long time, a divorce coach can help you redefine your personal values and self-confidence and rediscover your independence. You’ll learn about prioritising taking care of yourself and focusing on a positive future.

  • Help you reboot your life

Divorce coaches exist purely to help you start living your best life, post-separation. And what’s not to like about that?

But are there any downsides to hiring a divorce coach?

Truthfully, working with a divorce coach is not for everyone. They can only provide guidance, but it is you who will need to take the actions to overcome the challenges. And if you aren’t prepared to make any changes, working with a divorce coach may not help. Further, you’ll need to be prepared to accept both good and bad feedback–divorce coaches are not ‘yes men’ and you may not appreciate confronting objective truths.

Also, a divorce coach can’t and won’t make decisions for you, rather empowering you to make them yourself. Some people don’t like this responsibility. Conversely, some people don’t like to involve others in their own decision-making process.

Finally, it’s also up to you to find the best divorce coach, which involves research to find an experienced, certified, specialised professional. If you need help finding a suitable divorce coach, please give us a call and we can put you in touch with professionals well-regarded in the family law industry.

Do you need family law advice? Please contact Canberra family lawyer Cristina Huesch or one of our other experienced solicitors here at Alliance Legal Services on (02) 6223 2400.

Please note, our blogs are not legal advice. For information on how to obtain the correct legal advice, please contact Alliance Legal Services.

Whether they label themselves a “divorce coach”, “divorce mentor”, “separation strategist” or even “divorce alchemist”, counsellors who operate in the separation and divorce realm have the specific purpose of helping you navigate the often-traumatic divorce process.

While divorce can often feel like a rollercoaster, a divorce coach can help you remain grounded and mentally prepare for separation and divorce, with the goal of minimising the impact your divorce will have on your family, finances, health and all other aspects of your life that are affected by divorce. So how do they achieve this?

Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession where a trained professional provides support and guidance to someone going through separation or divorce. Since the divorce journey can be fraught with complexity, more people are turning to a divorce coach to help them leave their relationship amid the range of practical and emotional challenges that arise. Divorce coaches usually offer a holistic service because they know that divorce is a total life challenge, not simply a legal process.

While a divorce coach does not provide legal advice, they empower their clients to achieve the best possible resolution of their separation or divorce, and often help people who are floundering as to how to proceed to extricate themselves from an unhappy marriage.

Here are some of the ways a divorce coach can help you.

  • Demystifying the process

A divorce coach works with you to guide you step-by-step through the convoluted legal process of divorce and separation, helping you understand the legal and financial options available, and which divorce model is right for you. Assisting clients to get a grip on their current legal and financial position and on the potential outcomes of decisions, helps individuals make rational, well-informed decisions.

  • De-escalation of conflict

Your divorce coach will help steer you away from expensive litigation, by canvassing your Alternate Dispute Resolution options with you, with the aim of de-escalating conflict and making the whole process much easier. Your coach will also help you develop skills to minimise conflict with your ex, to achieve the most amicable separation possible. There are many tools and tips your coach will be able to share with you on how to communicate with your ex to make the process less acrimonious.

  • A sounding board

A divorce coach will listen to you in a non-judgmental way, and objectively reflect on and assess your situation. Creating a space for you to be heard, and to give you unbiased feedback, will help you evaluate your choices and have confidence in your decisions. Having an objective sounding board is vital because well-meaning family and friends are usually way too subjective to be helpful in guiding you forward.

  • Providing a supportive environment

A divorce coach helps you cope with the emotional side of your divorce by providing a safe, supportive environment where you can learn to manage the emotions that go with this major life transition. A judgment free zone, divorce coaching focuses on the emotional aspects of divorce, so that you can deal with the often overwhelming stress, and make smart unemotional decisions about your future.

Because as family lawyers, we can work to resolve your practical issues relating to your separation or divorce, but we aren’t suitably qualified to help you deal with the emotional side of your situation.

  • Dealing with grief

Divorce inevitably represents loss and many people need to go through a grieving process before they can move on. The divorce coach will help you get through this process and learn to let go, by providing a roadmap for handling the grief and confronting the challenges of loss and change.

  • Goal and boundary setting

Divorce coaching is future-focused, all about moving on and ensuring you have the ‘best’ possible divorce. This means providing you with assistance in making strategic decisions, gaining clarity on values and goals, and taking ownership of your new life. Your divorce coach’s aim is to provide encouragement to you in envisioning the new future you want to create and provide strategies to help you achieve it.

  • Provide actionable steps and accountability support

Divorce will involve a range of practical challenges that must be dealt with, in a context where poor decisions can have serious long-term consequences. Your coach will know how to help you deal with these practical challenges. As well as providing you with information and guidance to help make smart decisions, your coach will check that you make the necessary changes along the way in order to regain your financial and psychological independence.

  • Help you learn what you can and can’t control

A divorce coach will help you focus on what you can control through this process—that is, only your own thoughts and behaviours…

  • Gatekeeping

Your divorce coach can help you decide if sending a particular message to your ex is necessary or helpful. You’ll get an honest appraisal of your potential actions in relation to your ex, before you take any action. You’ll also learn techniques for positive communication with your ex, to help achieve a more positive result. Where some people think they should call their family lawyer to check on contents of a potential message to their ex, this is usually expensive, and having a divorce coach can circumvent the need to involve your lawyer in such matters.

  • Connecting you with other services

Going through divorce, you should consider empowering yourself by surrounding yourself in a team of experts to support you, beyond a family lawyer and divorce coach. For example, you may find you need financial advisors, family lawyers, mediators, accountants, parenting specialists. Your divorce coach can help you assess where this is necessary and can even attend meetings with you and advocate on your behalf.

  • Helps you see the lessons your marriage actually taught you

It assists with recovery and healing to learn to seek the positives from what feels like a grim situation. A divorce coach will help with this, as well as guide you towards clarification of the reasons for your divorce, so you can learn lessons from it and use them practically in the future.

  • Help you embrace newfound freedom, not fear it

Change is inevitably challenging and can make you feel very anxious. A divorce coach will help you reframe your fears to see the challenges as exciting.

  • Rediscover yourself

When you’ve been part of a couple for a long time, a divorce coach can help you redefine your personal values and self-confidence and rediscover your independence. You’ll learn about prioritising taking care of yourself and focusing on a positive future.

  • Help you reboot your life

Divorce coaches exist purely to help you start living your best life, post-separation. And what’s not to like about that?

But are there any downsides to hiring a divorce coach?

Truthfully, working with a divorce coach is not for everyone. They can only provide guidance, but it is you who will need to take the actions to overcome the challenges. And if you aren’t prepared to make any changes, working with a divorce coach may not help. Further, you’ll need to be prepared to accept both good and bad feedback–divorce coaches are not ‘yes men’ and you may not appreciate confronting objective truths.

Also, a divorce coach can’t and won’t make decisions for you, rather empowering you to make them yourself. Some people don’t like this responsibility. Conversely, some people don’t like to involve others in their own decision-making process.

Finally, it’s also up to you to find the best divorce coach, which involves research to find an experienced, certified, specialised professional. If you need help finding a suitable divorce coach, please give us a call and we can put you in touch with professionals well-regarded in the family law industry.

Do you need family law advice? Please contact Canberra family lawyer Cristina Huesch or one of our other experienced solicitors here at Alliance Legal Services on (02) 6223 2400.

Please note, our blogs are not legal advice. For information on how to obtain the correct legal advice, please contact Alliance Legal Services.

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